Radio XLVII, side A, track 8: “Funky Dividends” by Three Times Dope

Three Times Dope - Funky DividendsOh, Three Times Dope, it’s Valentine’s Day, and the song that showed up on the track list is all about how women ain’t out for nothing but your money.  Even though I know my wife would find this amusing since she knows I ain’t got no money, I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ about this song and my feelings on it one way or another because I ain’t completely stupid.

“Funky Dividends”

“Michelle, why you gotta tell Mickey everything about us?”

“‘Cause I needed somebody ta talk to.”

“Butchoo tryin’ ta make it seem like I started it all.”

“I just told the story the way it went.”

“Michelle.”

“What?”

“Look, since you seem ta be forgettin’, I’m’a tell you how it started from the beginnin’, a’ight?”

“Mm hm.”

Cruisin’ down the Ave with my homeboy Boove
Layin’ back like Jack, mellowin’ to the groove
The “Greatest Man Alive” was cold rockin’ my world
Then I rocked a little harder when I saw this fffresh, fly girl
A hold up
I can’t go out like a nut
I had ta conjure out a cool way ta strut
They call me E.S.
The Overlord’a Fresh
I saw you in the dress and I just had to impress
My compliment
Came through in the clutch
She started ta blush
Then I knew what was up
Called her next mornin’, said, “What’ll it be?
Dinner and a movie or just chillin’ with me?”, she said “Me”
So I went and got the slimmy
Soon as I opened the door she said, “Gimme.”
It was like I was a bone and she was fetchin’
She gobbled, cold swallowed my ones like Greedy Gretchen
Then after couple weeks’a good lovin’ my friends, she did the dummy move
And started askin’ fo my dividends

<awesome Three Times Dope jam>

Come around the corner lookin’ funky fresh
This New Jack babe started poppin’ a mess
Steady trippin’
‘Cause I ain’t call her last night
I kindly pulled her to the side, said, “Yo, take a hike.
‘Cause I don’t need it, girl
Too many problems in this world.
So go on ahead with ya jheri curl.”
She wanted Jeffersons and Lincolns, I said “No way!
Yo, Slim, whattaya think this is, President’s Day?
People start buggin’ over things like that, honey
Ya know da time
So don’t act funny with m’money
I refuse to abuse my savings and loans, so if ya want some ends, baby, best go witcha own
Now I said it once before, and I’m’a say it again
Best believe you won’t receive no dividends.”

“Michelle, how come every time we argue, it always got ta be about money?”

“When I was with Steady B, I had it all: Gucci, Louis
Vuitton, gold, Liz Claiborne. I had it all. You ain’t givin’ me nothin’.”

It’s a shame, nowadays ya got ta stay paid, it ain’t like the old days
When you could serenade
Take walks witcha girl at night in the park and in the shadows
Secretly steal her heart
But the New Wave ’80s has everything reversible, instead’a walks
Ya drive a Cadillac convertible
Two’s bound ta kill you, all ya need is one
Ta constantly bug you
Ta get her hair done
Every week’s a new style
She’s always got ta rock it, like a Super Bowl sack
She’s tacklin’ ya pockets
But when ya wanna chill ya find that somethin’ always blocks it
Ya lookin’ for ya wallet, butcha girlfriend’s got it

I tried to putcha d
‘Cause you was my friend, ya didn’t listen, now she’s gotcha funky dividends

“You bought another dress? This is ridiculous! That’s the third dress this week!”

“The world is very different now.”

“The world is very different now.”

Now I don’t like ta get upset and I don’t like ta riff but one thing that gets me hype is when girls shoot the gift
Now there’s a little sayin’ ’bout the J-O-B
But what she’s really tryin’ ta do is take yo D-O-E
An’ wreck ya whole check on the latest design
When ya broke, it’s all a joke, but when ya paid, it’s fine
This advice ta you I lend
Begin ta let it sink and you can spin
But don’t be takin’ nothin’, my friend
Now I said it once before and I’m’a say it again
“Best believe you won’t receive no dividends.”
Now I said it once before and I’m’a say it again
“Best believe you won’t receive no dividends.”

“Word. Ya kna I’m sayin’? I don’t mind givin’ my girl somethin’, or any woman f’that matter if they need it. But love shouldn’t be used as a personal Visa card on strenth. ‘Cause the same way you tryin’ ta get somebody, you can get got. Workers large still in effect. Ain’t that right, Wood?”

“Yeah yeah”

“Yeah”

“Why ya lookin’ at me like that, E.S.?”

“‘Cause, man, Michelle, if knew you was goin’ ta do me like this, I would’a never stepped ta you from the giddy-up.”

“Well, if I had known you weren’t goin’ ta provide fo me,
I wouldn’t’a talked to you anyway, straight up. I thought you was the Greatest Man Alive. But I guess I was wrong.”

“I wonder if my grandpops and pops went through things like this back in the day. ‘Cause, man, this ain’t worth it.”

“The world”

“The world”

“The world is very different now.”

“The world is very different now.”

“Now”

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