Radio L, side A, track 9: “The Hoover Maneuver”

HooverOh, Hoover, I guess we’ll talk about vacuums for this post. . .

I vaguely remember that saying “The Hoover Maneuver” was a thing back in the day, but I don’t know if it was based on this clip or if I heard it somewhere else, too.  I bet I thought it was damn hilarious though.  My mom actually had a Hoover.  She might still use that brand.  I remember the one we had as a kid.  It was this gigantic thing with a huge metal head and a red and black plaid bag.  It had to have weighed 100 pounds at least.  It was like an early Scottish robot.

I hate to vacuum.  Which is not good, considering how many cats and dogs I own.  It’s just a pain in the ass, plus it freaks out all the animals, and then I’ve got a vacuum bag half-filled with smelly dog hair and cat litter, but I’m too cheap and/or broke to just throw it out and put in a new bag.  Vacuum bags don’t grow on trees, after all.  Well, they’re made out of cardboard, so probably they did grow on trees.  You know what I’m saying, Hoover.  But on the flip side of all of that, I don’t mind sweeping.  I don’t love it, but there’s something relaxing-ish about sweeping up all the giant tufts of cat hair that tumble throughout the house like it’s part of the most adorable Old West town in the world.

I’ll tell you this much, Hoover.  If we ever have to get a new vacuum, I don’t know if we’ll get it from you or not, but we’re DEFINITELY not getting a Dyson.  Based on his commercials, that Dyson guy is a HUGE pretentious douchebag.  I don’t care how many cool things he invents, I ain’t giving him my money.

Wow, Hoover.  I had no idea I had this much to say about vacuum cleaners.

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