Radio 58, side A, track 11: “Ivana Hold Your Assets”

donald and ivanaOh, Donald and Ivana, if you would have told me back when I recorded this amusing little parody off the radio that not only would we still be talking about Donald but that he was an actual contender for president (that’s president of the United States, we’re talking), I would have chuckled and said that the idea of a President Trump is the kind of thing that we’d only see in some movie like “The Running Man”.  You know, a bit of sci-fi silliness.  Then you’d have to tell me, “Well, since you mention ‘The Running Man’, Arnold Schwarzenegger was actually the governor of California.  For reals.”  At which point I’d spit out the RC Cola I would have been drinking and sputter incomprehensibly.  So yeah, this silly blowhard who was just headline fodder for me and my generation as kids may now be running the country in another year or so.

Look, Donald and Ivana, I don’t like talking politics anymore.  Those days are behind me.  I pay attention to anything involving the news as little as possible.  People like Kim Davis and Joe the Plumber and Cindy Sheehan are tiny blips in the footnotes of history, and my life did not improve knowing that they existed and knowing about the shenanigans they got themselves into.

Don’t get me wrong, Donald and Ivana, I’m morbidly curious to see what a Trump America would look like.  Hell, I kinda want to see what that creeper Ted Cruz would do. . .incidentally, is it just me, or does every time Ted Cruz speak you picture him as the hall monitor in school who would rat everybody out and kiss up to the principal and was secretly spying on the girls in the locker room?  I swear that guy time traveled from the days of Joseph McCarthy to try to get HUAC up and running again. . .

Sorry, Donald and Ivana.  That’s what I’m talking about.  I don’t like having such sneery, mean-spirited, Ted Cruz-ish thoughts, but when politics comes up, that’s what happens.  Don’t you miss the days when you were just silly rich people who no one really took seriously?  I know I do.

“Ivana Hold Your Assets”

Oh, Donald

And Ivana

A roughing of the past


Don’t apply here

Ivana hold your aaaasssets

Ivana hold your aaaasssets

Ivana hold your cash

Ivana’s lawyers want prenuptials
Shot ta hell

Give her the shot ta land the Plaza

She’ll do well
What the heeeell

Oh, Donald
Gets Peggy Fleming

Ivana gets the yacht

And mansion
And the Tower

She’ll go for all you’ve goooot

Ivana hold your aaaasssets

Ivana hold your caaash

Ivana holds the Trump card you can bet your

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One thought on “Radio 58, side A, track 11: “Ivana Hold Your Assets”

  1. […] coming down), but I just don’t have the energy for it.  Maybe I’m still in shock.  Back in September of ’15 I was still in shock that Donald Trump, he of the ugly public divorce battles when I was a kid, was […]


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