Radio 61, side A, track 11: “The Heat Pack promo”

heat packOh, KISD FM, my god this “The Heat” stuff just gets more obnoxious every time I hear another promo for it.  For one thing, it involves that douchnozzle Molson, which is not a good start.  And THEN, the way to win this “Heat Pack” is to have the most amusing answering machine message of the week.  I’ll let you in on a little secret, KISD FM.  There’s never EVER been an amusing answering machine message ever.  Don’t get me wrong, KISD FM, I was one of those people who thought that what the world needed was a funny message any time somebody left me a message.  For quite awhile, I had the dialogue from “Tommy Boy” on it, where he yells “Please, go away, let me sleep for THE LOVE OF GOD!”  That one was supposed to be funny, but I think it probably hit closer to home than I actually realized, since I never answered my phone since I was always sleeping.  Ahhhh, depression.

Anywho, as much as I used to love the phone, I don’t know where I’d be without caller ID.  Or texting.  Or Facebook.  The good and/or bad thing about the technological age is that introverts like myself can crawl even deeper inside our shells.  I remember talking to people for hours on end on the phone.  I remember having a girlfriend and having that whole “You hang up first.  No, YOU hang up first!” nauseatingly adorable conversation.  And to this day, I still fall for that answering machine message of “Hello?. . .haha, I’m not home!”  I actually had that happen not too long ago.  I didn’t know people still did that.

So, yeah, back to this whole Heat Pack business.  I’m sure it sounded amazing back in the day, KISD FM.  I’m sure that I would have been stoked to have a Heat bumper sticker and cap and T-shirt AND fanny pack.  And knowing my own style and taste, I would have totally worn all those things at the same time.  Hell, KISD FM, you had me when you mentioned there were Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stickers.  Plus I got two CDs AND two cassettes?  It’s always a magical time when you’re living in the middle of a technology transition.  Of course, I wouldn’t know what to do with the CDs.  I didn’t get a CD player until 1994, and even then I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.

Anyway, KISD FM, I apologize for being all cynical and snooty about this Heat Pack business, but I think it’s for the best that I didn’t win this particular prize, mostly because I’d probably still be wearing all my Heat gear to this day.  Or it may just be jealousy that I couldn’t participate since we didn’t have an answering machine.  Well, we did.  It was called me with a pen and paper. . .

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