The #6 most viewed post on The MTM 7 Countdown: Radio XXXII, side A, track 5: “Girls On Film” by Duran Duran

D’oh.  More XXX in the title.  And this time with a name like “Girls On Film”, plus a lot of mentions of sex, I misled a lot of lonely internet surfers.  I can’t tell if that would make Duran Duran proud or disappointed.

Duran Duran - Girls On FilmOh, Duran Duran, why am I not surprised that your debut song was about sex and women and sex with women?  Well, maybe it’s not as blatant as all that, but really, none of your songs are BLATANTLY about sex, but they’re still about sex just the same.  And one thing that I was thinking as I was listening to this, the first of many great songs you would make, is that at least you guys have a consistent theme.  You were unabashedly perverted from the very start.  What had me the most intrigued about this particular tune was not anything in the lyrics, though, but what the DJ said, that this was the version “without the steamy bits”.

Well, as you can imagine, as a young lad who was interested in steamy bits, I was completely fascinated about what that could mean.  This was long before the internet, so I had no real way of finding out what he was talking about.  Now, however, it only takes a minute to do any kind of research, and even less time if your research involves finding sexy time.  So I found the uncensored version of your video for this particular song.  And I watched it.  Purely for research purposes, you understand.

I’ve included it below in case you want to watch it again, Duran Duran, but I have to tell you, this is why I don’t watch music videos in general.  I prefer to come up with my own narrative for a song rather than letting you or the director or whoever tell me what I should be thinking and feeling.  ‘Cause frankly, the video did not do this song any justice.  Oh, sure, there are boobs, and that’s great, but what’s with the guy dressed as a horse?  Or the fat guy with the zits on his back getting a massage?  Or the sumo wrestler?  Or the mud?

One thing that I’ve come to learn in the few decades that I’ve been on this magnificent mudball is that entertainers and advertisers and whoever else is considered “the media” (wait, does that include me?) like to think that they can tell us what sexy is.  But most of the time, their idea of sexy is actually just silly.  Like a woman dressed as a cowgirl scrubbing down a guy in a thong wearing a horse head.  But hey, to each his or her own.  But personally, in my humble opinion, Duran Duran, stick to the music and skip the video part of it.  Your songs are sexy enough all on their own.  Watching the video after this song is like thinking about your grandma’s underpants when you’re making out with your lady friend.  Unless you’re into that sort of thing. . .

“Girls On Film”

<awesome Duran Duran jam>

See them walking hand in hand across the bridge at midnight

Heads turning as the lights flashing out are so bright

And walk right out to the four-line track, there’s a camera rolling on her back

On her back

And I sense a rhythm humming in a frenzy all the way down her spine

Girls on film

Girls on film

Girls on film

Girls on film

Lipstick cherry all over the lens as she’s falling

And miles of sharp blue water coming in where she lies

The diving man’s comin’ up fer air ’cause the crowd all love pulling Dolly by the hair

By the hair

And she wonders how she ever got here as she goes under again

Girls on film (Two minutes later)

Girls on film

Girls on film (Got your picture)

Girls on film

<awesome Duran Duran jam>

Wider, baby, smile and you’ve just made a million

Fuses pumping live heat twisting out on a wire

Take one last glimpse into the night, I’m touching close, I’m holding bright

Holding tight

Give me shudders in a whisper, take me up ’til I’m shooting a staaaaaaaar

Girls on film (She’s more than a lady)

Girls on film

Girls on film (Two minutes later)

Girls on film

Girls on film (See you together)

Girls on film

Girls on film (See you later)

Girls on film

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