Category Archives: LL Cool J

Radio XLVI, side B, track 9: “Big Ole Butt” by LL Cool J

LL Cool J - Big Ole ButtOh, LL Cool J, you taught me the meaning of audacity.  At the time I recorded this song off the radio, I don’t know that I actually knew that word, but I knew the concept by the time this song was over.  If you’ll recall WAY back when this blog was pretty new, I wrote about how it was hard for me to believe that there could be a song called “Tush” on the radio.  And then here you come striding into my bedroom over the speakers talking all about big ole butts.  And not just talking about big ole butts, but unabashedly bragging about how you bounced from one booty to the next with absolutely no remorse.  If it were anyone but you, LL Cool J, I would have been appalled at your misogyny.  But I’d fallen for you hard ever since I first heard you performing “I’m That Type Of Guy”.  And this song had that song beat, no contest.  I was in awe of any guy who could sit his girlfriend down and tell her, WITH A GRIN ON HIS FACE, that he was leaving her for someone else.  And for no other reason than that the new girl had a bigger butt than his current girlfriend!!!  What?!?!  You can do that?!?!

Not only that, but it expanded my world when it came to women’s body parts.  Up until this song, I assumed that every healthy American male was a boob guy.  I was still learning about teenage lust, and breasts seemed the obvious preference because they were so obviously female.  A “big ole butt” wouldn’t have sounded appealing at all.  The butt just seemed dirty (and not the good kind of dirty).  But then there you were, LL Cool J, waxing poetic about the beauty of the booty, and suddenly I had to re-examine everything I’d ever believed.  If LL Cool J, who is clearly the manliest of the manliest of men, was making an anthem about ladies’ butts, clearly he knew something that I didn’t.  It was then that I finally understood what is still one of my favorite skeevy lines:  “I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.”

I think it’s pretty clear that I was never able to attain your level of machismo, LL Cool J.  And I don’t imagine telling my wife I was leaving her for a big ole butt would go nearly as smoothly as it would for you.  Plus, as much as this song means to me, still a big fan of breasts, LL Cool J.  Though I do appreciate a good set of hips and a nice. . .you know what, LL Cool J, it just occurred to me that the main difference between you and me talking about women’s body parts is that when you do it, it sounds fun and sexy.  When I do it, it sounds like we’re reading from the journal of a character on “Law and Order: SVU”.  So let’s just agree that I whole-heartedly enjoy your celebration of the female derriere and move on.

“Big Ole Butt”

I was at the mall
Sippin’ on a milkshake, playin’ the wall
Takin’ a break
Admirin’ the girls with the bamboo earrings, baby hair
And bodies
Built ta swing

That’s when I seen’a
Her name was Tina
Grace and poise kinda like a ballerina
I said, “How ya doin’
My name’s Big L
Don’t ask me how I’m livin’
‘Cause, yo, I’m livin’ swell

But then again
I’m livin’ kinda foul ’cause my girl don’t know
That I’m out on the prowl”
Ta make a long story short
I got the digits
Called her on my car phone and paid her a visit
She had a big ole booty
I was doin’ my duty, I mean, yo, I admit that my girl’s a cutie
But Tina was exotic
Earl’s my witness
With the kinda legs that put stockin’s outta bidness
When I went home, I kissed my girl on the cheek
But in the back’a my mind it was this big butt freak

I sat my girl down
I couldn’t hold it in
And said to her
With a devilish grin

Tina got a big ole butt

I know I toldja I’d be true

But Tina got a big ole butt

So I’m leavin’ you

Tina got a big ole butt

I know I toldja I’d be true

But Tina got a big ole butt

So I’m leavin’ you

I went to the high school about three o’clock
Ta try ta catch a cutie
Ridin’ my jock
My homeboy’s jeep
The system blastin’
Colt Forty dogs
Smilin’ and laughin’
Girls all over
The kind I adore
I felt like a kid in a candy store
That’s when I seen’a
Her name was Brenda
She had the kind’a booty that I’d always rememba
I said to my man
“Stop the jeep”
She’s only seventeen
But, yo, don’t sleep
I kicked the bass like an NFL punter
And scoped the booty like a big game hunter
I said to the girl
“Yo, you look tired
Let’s go get some rest
Relax by da fire”
I put the big booty on a bearskin rug
She gave me a kiss
I have her a hug
I said to the girl, “Them young boys ain’t nothin’
Ya wanna get freaky, let me kiss ya belly button”
When I was through, I wiped the sweat from my eyes
Went to the kitchen and got some sweet potato pies
Tina busted in my house while I was eatin’
Ya know what I said
Too badja caught me cheatin’, but Brenda got a big ole butt

I know I toldja I’d be true

But Brenda got a big ole butt

So I’m leavin’ you

Brenda got a big ole butt

I know I toldja I’d be true

But Brenda got a big ole butt

So I’m leavin’ you

I went ta Red Lobster for shrimp n’ steak around the time when the waitresses are on their lunch break
I pulled in the parkin’ lot and parked my car
Somebody shouted out “I don’t care who you are”
I paid it no attention, I walked inside
‘Cause Brian had a nine and he was chillin’ in the ride
I walked in the place, everybody was lookin’
And shrimp n’ steak wasn’t the only thing cookin’
I sat down ta eat
Ordered my food
I said to the waitress, “I don’t mean ta be rude
But I’ll take you on a platta”

She said, “Ya got a girl”
I said, “It don’t matter
Ya look like ya tastier than pipin’ hot pizza
What’s ya name?” She said, “My tag says Lisa”
I said, “OK
Ya smart an’ all that but when ya get off work
Yo, I’ll be back”

She looked at me and said, “Make yaself clear
L, where we goin’?”
I said, “Right here”
She looked kinda puzzled
I said, “You’ll see”
I pulled up at ten on the D.O.T.
When she walked out the door, I threw my tongue down her throat
Pushed her back inside
Pulled off her coat

On and on ’til the break’a dawn
All over the restaurant, word is born
I heard somebody coughin’
I checked my watch
I couldn’t believe it said nine o’clock
I grabbed my pants, put on my Kangol

Who did I see
Oh, yo
It was Brenda

Yo

She worked at Red Lobster but I didn’t rememba

Lisa got a big ole butt

I know I toldja I’d be true

But Lisa got a big ole butt

So I’m leavin’ you
See ya!

Lisa got a big ole butt

I know I toldja I’d be true

But Lisa got a big ole butt

So I’m leavin’ you
Ssee ya!

<awesome LL Cool J butt talkin’>

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