Category Archives: Waterfront

Radio XXXV, side B, track 1: “Cry” by Waterfront

Waterfront - CryOh, Waterfront, so you’re saying you’re NOT George Michael. . .am I hearing that correctly?  Because for about 25 years, I could’a sworn that that’s who sang this song.  Go listen to it, Waterfront, I can wait.  Seriously, you’re telling me you’re not George Michael?

All right.  I guess I’ll have to take your word for it.  But somebody owes somebody some credit for singing like somebody.  I don’t know who came first, Waterfront or George Michael, but regardless, you might as well have been one and the same.  Not that I’m complaining, mind you, Waterfront.  I love me some George Michael, so if there are some George Michael sound-a-likes (or Waterfront sound-a-likes, too, I guess) floating around out there (see what I did?  Floating?  Waterfront?), I’m not one to argue.

And while I absolutely love this song, even if it’s not George Michael’s, I do think we should have a few words about the ick factor of this song.  I don’t know how old you lads were when you sang this, but I’m going to take a guess and say you were in your early twenties.  And if I’m interpreting this song right, I think it’s kind of about how you’re really attracted to a sixteen-year-old girl and that she shouldn’t cry.  I don’t know WHY she’s crying, and frankly, I don’t want to know, but I would like to put a moratorium on songs written and/or sung by older men lusting after teenage girls.

If it’s from the point of view of a teenage boy, okay, maybe you get a pass.  But I don’t think this is one of those songs, and when you sing “I know you’re just sixteen but lookin’ all of twenty-one”. . .no, Waterfront.  No.  Any sentence that starts with “I know you’re just sixteen, but” is not a sentence that’s going to end well.  No.

I get that maybe in some cultures sixteen is a fine age to get married.  Hell, I’m pretty sure that some states in the Union still consider it the age of consent.  But it’s not.  Maybe a century ago, but even then, yuck.  I would even venture to say that the age of consent shouldn’t be until mid-twenties at the EARLIEST.  There’s a reason rental car companies won’t let you borrow a car until you’re 25.  There’s a reason that the Affordable Care Act let’s you stay on your parents’ insurance until you’re 26.  Because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.  Like, for instance, you’re in your mid-twenties and you’re in a rock band and you sing a love song to an underage girl who looks like she’s twenty-one.  Except that she’s not.  She’s SIXTEEEEEEN!!!

Look, Waterfront, I get that I sound like mean old Mr. Grumpypants right now, and maybe I am.  But I remember what I was like in my teens and my twenties, and I’m not saying that I’d ever consider myself the standard of maturity for my generation, but I wasn’t near getting my shit together until after 30, and even now it’s a little iffy.

So let’s stop glorifying teenage girls or “barely legal” girls or girls who’ve gone wild, Waterfront.  The only people who should be attracted to a teenage girl should be a teenage boy and/or girl.  They’ve only been around for sixteen years, for God’s sake, Waterfront!  What the hell are you going to talk to her about?!?!?  You find a girl your own damn age and reminisce about when both of you were sixteen, all right?  No more of this underage girl bullshit, Waterfront, or George Michael and I are going to have some words with you.

“Cry”

<awesome Waterfront jam>

Please don’t apologize
Just let me wipe the tears away

Don’t mean to act surprised
If it’s all right I’d like tooo staaay
Yeah

Mmm, I know thatchoo are not
A child

But there’s one thing that I love about you
Your style

Cry

Please don’t cry

Cry

Please don’t cry

I know ya just sixteen
But lookin’ all of twenty-one
(Twenty-one)
(You’ll be married with a gun)

Daddy would go ta jail for you
If he thoughtchoo were havin’
The wrong sort of fuun

Mmm, I know thatchoo are not
A child

But there’s just one thing I love about you
Your style

Cry

Please don’t cry

Cry

Please don’t cry

The moment that you’ve gone
You know that they will talk, but they’re wrooong

And it
Makes me happy

Even when you’ve gone
You knooow I’ll carry on ’cause I’m stroooong
And it
Makes me happy

I know thatchoo are not
A child

But there’s one thing that I love about you
Your style, don’t cry

Please don’t cry

Cry

Please don’t cry

<awesome Waterfront jam>

Cry

Please don’t cry

Cry

Please don’t cry
Cry

Cry

(Please don’t cry)

Cry (cry)

Please don’t cry

Cry, cry, cry

Cry

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